What I’ve Learned In One Minute…

Hi friend,

Someone messaged me recently asking how I managed to make university feel like a "home away from home" because every time they returned to campus, they missed home even more. I wanted to give them practical tips at first, things like decorating your room or playing familiar music or spending time with people who remind you of home. But when I thought about it properly, the real answer for me was much more personal.

There was no dramatic moment that made this clear to me. It was more a mix of small days and quiet realisations. I would wake up in my university room and feel like I was stepping into a different version of myself, the one who handles things alone, learns on the spot and is always adjusting. Then I would go back to Botswana and slip straight back into the version of myself that feels familiar, grounded and understood without needing to explain anything.

For a long time I believed those two versions needed to become one. I kept thinking that "settling in" meant forcing both places to feel the same so that I could feel consistent in both. Looking back now, I can see how hard I tried in first year to make this place feel like home. I hung things up around my room. I forced routines. I convinced myself that if I pushed a little more then eventually something would click. But, none of it worked because none of it was meant to work.

What I did not realise at the time was how much pressure I was putting on myself by trying to build a second home out of a temporary environment. The moment I stopped trying to make the UK feel like Botswana was the moment everything relaxed. I stopped feeling like I was failing at settling in. I stopped expecting this place to replace the one that raised me. It did not need to. It never will. And that is completely fine.

Accepting this gave me a quiet sense of comfort. It allowed me to appreciate the UK for what it actually is for me right now. It is the place where I am studying, learning about myself, and building something for the people I care about. It is not the place that holds my identity or my childhood or the things that shaped me. It is simply where I am for this season of my life.

Now when I am here, I move with purpose. When I am home, I am fully home. And I no longer feel guilty about that balance. I no longer feel the need to make them match.

You do not need to build two homes. You can have the place that holds you and the place that holds the part of your journey you are currently walking. That is more than enough.

TL:DR

I spent years trying to make the United Kingdom feel like home, but everything changed when I accepted that it did not have to be. You can have the place that raised you and the place that holds your current season without forcing them to become the same. Peace comes when you stop trying to build two homes.

Quick Hack

Inspired by a Mark Manson video I watched recently, here is a simple but uncomfortable experiment you can try this week:

Ask your preferred AI chatbot this question:

Read the answer slowly. Sit with the parts that sting a little. You do not have to agree with everything, but use it as a mirror. Sometimes it takes something outside of us to say what we already suspect deep down.

Then thank me later.

The video:

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WINS & LESSONS

Win: I finally applied for a visa, which felt like one of those grown up admin tasks I had been circling for a while. I also signed up for Uber One and honestly, for anyone who uses Uber regularly, it is a game changer. I saved so much on my travels this past Friday while that long storm was going on.

Lesson: I had my first proper design review at work and it taught me... a lot. It was definitely a humbling experience, but in a good way. It showed me how much goes into a full shaped design and how important it is to think beyond just “does it work” and into “is it clear, robust and ready for everyone else to understand and use.

QFYT

What part of your life are you trying to turn into a “home” when it might simply be a season you are meant to pass through?

Alright that's it from me.

In a bit,

Motheo

PS. I’ve been working on something special — a retrospective-based study timetable designed to help you focus on what you actually need to revise, not just what’s on your list. I’ll be giving exclusive early access to newsletter readers before it goes public. Keep an eye out in the coming issues.